The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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