the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
