so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
