Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
