if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
