I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
