is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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