I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
