My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
