Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
