Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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