Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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