She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
