even my farts smell like vagina
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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