Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
