This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
