you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
