I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
