Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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