I only kidnapped one of them. chill
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
