Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
