Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
