are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
