I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
