The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
