To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
