LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
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Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
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Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
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