too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
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yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
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Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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