he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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