Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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