My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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