I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
