I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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