why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
what day is it and did you see me today?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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