It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
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