Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
