It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She needs sedatives and a leash
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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