My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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