I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
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I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
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sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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