dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
