tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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