I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
