i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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