Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
