Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
