Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
