you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You're like the curious george of whores
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
