so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
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There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
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I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize