The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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