Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
