I hate your face
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
