Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I cockslap morals
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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