I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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