I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
