I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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