I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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