the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
