She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He felt like a one man threesome
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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