Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
