Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
