...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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