How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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