2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
