I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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