I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
