As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
